Are you feeling disconnected from your spouse? You have had a few too many fights lately and too few moments that you have really connected. ALL MARRIAGES go through ups and downs. Seasons of life, major changes or forming habits of unhealthy behavior towards each other, can all contribute to this feeling of loneliness or disappointment. You just don’t feel like you are where you want to be in your marriage.
This can change, starting with you.
Ultimately both spouses need to be willing to work on their marriage to make it better, but why can’t it start with you? Maybe you feel like you have already been working on your marriage. Why should you be the one to do more?
I believe that you have been trying to make changes to improve your marriage. I also know that often times in relationships, the things one partner is doing to try and make things better are being perceived by the other as pushing them away.
I know, this sounds depressing! Is it possible that all you have been doing has gone unnoticed, because your spouse doesn’t understand what you are trying to do or how much effort you are putting in?
It is possible. It is also possible that your spouse is noticing, but then both of you slip back into old habits when something hurts your feelings or you are confused by your partner’s behavior.
Listen to what your partner is trying to say.
Try to hear his or her heart, not their exact words. Ask genuine questions to clarify what they are saying, not to prove a point. Really try to understand. Even if it’s hard to hear, listen closely. Show that what your partner has to say is important to you. Their feelings are just as important as yours. Try to understand their feelings.
Share from your heart.
Do not try to be right. Do not try to hurt the other so they know how hurt you are. Share from your heart. Share your feelings. Feelings are words like: sad, hurt, scared or excited. Feelings are not words like, “I feel like you are being a jerk.” There is no feeling in there, even though you said the word “feel.”
How close you have been in the past and how tumultuous your relationship has become has a huge impact on how much support you will need in doing this. Some couples will be able to have a heart to heart, agree to share and listen more, then be able to put in a lot of effort and succeed. These couples and others that need a little more support could read Sue Johnson’s book, “Hold Me Tight” or Dr. Michael and Paula Regier’s book, “Emotional Connection” and be able to make the needed changes. Many couples will need professional counseling. This is more of an investment in both time and money. However, if you plan to stay with your partner for the rest of your life, how much is a good marriage worth?
Please contact me to set up an appointment or ask a question.
If you are not ready for that step, keep exploring my website for more information on improving your relationship and how I can help.