People pleasing is widespread in our society. We often strive for approval, wanting everyone to think we’re amazing. Initially, it feels gratifying when others appreciate us, but over time, the pressure to constantly meet everyone’s expectations becomes overwhelming. We may start feeling like we are being taken advantage of or unappreciated, stuck in a cycle we don’t know how to break. Here are some tips to help you navigate this:

• Realize that you can’t please everyone. The more you try, the more miserable you’ll become. Seeking universal approval is often rooted in a desire to feel loved and accepted, but it can strain relationships, especially with those closest to you. Those we love most often are given the least amount of our time and energy. It feels safer to let them down, because you know they will love you unconditionally. Trying to please everyone exhausts you and prevents you from pursuing your own values and spending time with those who truly matter.

• Understand that saying no can be loving. Setting boundaries not only benefits you but also teaches those around you about respect and empathy. Whether it’s with your kids, friends, or colleagues, clear boundaries foster healthier relationships.

• Prioritize self-care. You can’t effectively care for others if you neglect yourself. This will wear you out quickly. You won’t be able to give out of love and desire, you will end up giving out of obligation and resentment. The people you love can sense that. You will loose the joy in your relationships if you feel like you “have to” do all these things. People pleasers often believe that they “have to” give to be loved or respected. Really, we all want people to care about us because of who we are, not because of what we do. Try prioritizing getting enough sleep, spending time doing things that fill you up and be able to say no to things that are not right for you. You will not feel content in relationships or be fully present for those you love most if you aren’t able to care for yourself.

• Be kind to yourself. People pleasers often have a very negative dialogue in their mind. They are constantly beating themselves up. This can happen because you think it will make you better or maybe because this is what you heard growing up. Being overly critical of yourself isn’t motivating; it’s detrimental to your well-being. Treat yourself with the same understanding and care you extend to others. Work on changing the things you say to yourself to be more helpful.

• Take time before responding to requests. Delaying your response allows you to assess whether saying yes aligns with your priorities. Remember, saying yes to one thing often means saying no to something else. Try saying something like, “Thanks for thinking of me. I’ll look at my calendar (talk to my spouse, think about it, etc.) and let you know tomorrow. Make sure this is something you value and want to prioritize.

• Express your opinions and beliefs authentically. Avoid agreeing with others simply to avoid conflict or gain approval. Those in your life who care about you want to know the real you. They want to know what’s in your heart and mind. Genuine connections thrive on honesty and vulnerability. You can’t be truly known and accepted, if you don’t let others in.

• Limit unnecessary apologies. Reserve apologies for when you’ve genuinely made a mistake. You don’t need to apologize for setting boundaries or expressing your needs. Try saying, “I won’t be able to come to your event. I hope you have a great time!”

• Embrace discomfort as part of growth. Trying new behaviors may feel daunting at first, but continuing the same patterns won’t lead to positive change. Challenge yourself to step outside your comfort zone for healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

Remember, change takes time. Start with one or two tips that resonate with you, then gradually incorporate more as you become comfortable. Expect some resistance from others as you grow, but stay focused on your goal of inner peace and genuine connections. If you need support along the way, don’t hesitate to reach out.