When couples begin a pattern of hurtful and unhealthy interactions, it can go downhill quickly. The important thing to remember is that your partner is NOT the enemy.
It can feel like the one you love is against you. Often words are said that cause regret and one partner walks away or refuses to engage. There are many things that each person is desperately doing to try and “save” the relationship. These desperate actions can push the other further away, even though that is not the intent.
The first Stage of EFT focuses on identifying the “dance” or pattern the couple is engaged in. Eventually we will work to learn a new dance. First we have to see the dance steps that are happening in the relationship. We will also look at the feelings and meaning behind the dance.
Figuring out the pattern you are in takes a lot of work! Being able to see the dance you are doing and understand why, brings relief!
The couple will begin to see their pattern and catch themselves. When the dance of stepping on toes and flinging the other to the ground begins, the couple will be able to see it for what it is. This understanding increases and the fighting begins to slow down. Many couples feel relief after just a few sessions. For others that have been doing the crazy dance for years or have had a significant betrayal, it takes longer. Either way, there is relief and less fighting once we are able to recognize the pattern and begin to understand it.
Next: Create Deeper Bonds